Good Girl on the Outside, Who Is She Behind the Mask?

Most women I meet have become very good at the front of the mask.

The front says, “I’m fine.”
It looks capable, productive, put together, and available.
It smiles at the right time.
It knows how to walk into a room and make everyone else comfortable.
It can answer “How are you?” without revealing a single thing.
Honestly, she deserves an award, Emmy and possibly a nap.

Behind the mask is often a different story.
There may be anger she thinks she is not allowed to feel.
Loneliness she does not know how to name.
Desire she has pushed down.
Grief that does not follow anyone else’s timeline.
There may also be a funny, sexy, playful woman back there who wants to laugh too loudly, say what she wants, and feel something below the neck again.

The mask is not always fake.
Sometimes it is protection.
Sometimes it helps us survive a hard season, raise children, care for someone we love, lead a business, or simply get through the day.
We do not have to hate the mask to admit that it has become heavy.

I have lived this when my husband told my 3 sons and I to keep his very obvious cancer a secret.
For the people who did not see him or witness the changes on the regular, they that we had the best life.
I could not even answer the question, “How are you” without tearing up 90% of the time.

This is the work we explore in Behind the Mask, In Front of the Mask.
We look at what is happening inside and compare it with what the world sees.
That space between the two can tell us a lot.
Maybe the world sees confidence while you feel unsure.
Maybe everyone sees the dependable one while you secretly want someone to take care of you.
Maybe people see a woman who has it all together, while you are wondering what you actually want next.

Owning your identity does not mean sharing every private part of yourself with everyone.
Some things are private, of course!
Some private things are more fun that way.
It means you stop hiding from yourself.
You become willing to look at what is true without immediately judging it, fixing it, or covering it back up.

Ask yourself: What does the front of my mask show?
What have I been carrying behind it?
What part of me is ready to be seen?

You may be surprised by the answer.
The woman behind the mask is not a problem to solve.
She may be the most honest, interesting guide you have.

This is why my work includes real conversations about identity, grief, confidence, bodies, sex, pleasure, and the things women are often too embarrassed to say out loud.
Nothing about you is too much for the room. I promise!
If you do not like small groups, 1:1 is a great way to start.

You deserve it!