Are You Shoulding All Over Yourself?

Should is a sneaky little word. It slips into your life, tells you how to behave, and somehow convinces you that everyone else’s comfort is your full time job. Rude.

I should be happy. I should call her back. I should stay busy. I should be over this by now. I should want what everyone else seems to want. I should say yes because they will be disappointed if I do not.

We say these things so often that they start to sound like our own voice. Most of the time, they are not. They belong to family expectations, old rules, social media, guilt, tradition, or a version of us who did what she had to do to get through that season.

I created Should Bye™ because I lived there for three months as a new widow. I watched friends get cheated on, divorced and blame themselves. Everything they “should” have done to keep their man. I kept seeing how much of women’s lives were being directed by that one word. And lately, I have been meeting more women who are exhausted from living according to expectations they never consciously chose. They are not short on strength. They are exhausted. They have been using all of it to hold up lives that do not leave much room for them.

Should Bye™ gives us a pause. When a “should” shows up, we get curious about it. Who taught me this? Does it still belong in my life? Am I choosing this, or am I afraid of what someone will think if I do not?

Sometimes you will decide what still matters to you. Great. Keep it, but own it as a choice. Other times you will realize you are spending your time, energy, body, or money trying to avoid somebody else’s discomfort. That is where the Should Bye™ comes in.

Letting go can feel selfish when you have built an identity around being dependable. People may notice when you stop automatically saying yes. They may have opinions. How adorable for them.You found boundaries and a life you love. Your life cannot fully belong to you while everyone else gets a vote on how you live it.

And yes, the shoulds follow us into the bedroom. I should want sex more. I should look different naked. I should be able to orgasm this way. I should keep quiet about what I want. Those rules disconnect you from your body before your bra even hits the floor. Pleasure responds much better to curiosity than pressure.

Try a Should Bye™ list this week. Write down every “I should” you catch yourself saying. Circle the ones that feel heavy. Pick one and change the sentence. Even if you use your phone or your own system. Stickers work too!

I should go to that party and change to: Do I want to go?

I should be over it becomes: What do I need today?

I should keep everyone happy becomes: What am I giving up to do that? At what expense?

One honest question can open a door. You do not have to knock down the whole house today. Although kicking one stubborn “should” to the curb can feel pretty damn good.

This is what Should Bye™ is about: noticing the expectations running your life, deciding which ones still deserve a place, and releasing the ones crowding out your identity, confidence, and pleasure.