Meet Her Again

She isn’t who she was before motherhood, marriage, grief, divorce, caregiving, or the last child left home. She doesn’t need to become someone new—she needs to reconnect with the woman she is today.

Stop Living By “Should”

Over the past two weeks, we've talked about the quiet that comes with changing seasons and what it means to meet yourself again. Maybe you've noticed moments where you're beginning to ask different questions. Maybe you've discovered things you enjoy that had been buried under years of responsibilities. Or maybe you're realizing just how difficult it is to answer the question, "What do I want?" If that's where you are, you're not alone.

I've noticed that one small word often gets in the way of answering that question: should.

It's amazing how much power that little word has. "I should clean the house before I relax." "I should lose weight before I buy the dress." "I should volunteer because everyone expects me to." "I should always say yes." "I should know what's next." We repeat these thoughts so often that they stop sounding like opinions and start sounding like facts.

The problem is that many of our "shoulds" weren't actually created by us. They were handed to us over the years by family, culture, social media, old relationships, and expectations about what a "good woman" looks like. Without realizing it, we begin measuring our lives against rules we never consciously agreed to follow. We become so focused on meeting expectations that we rarely stop to ask whether those expectations still fit the life we're living today.

At SwEll peakX™, we call this the Should Bye™ Method. It isn't about becoming irresponsible or ignoring commitments. It's about recognizing the expectations that no longer serve you and deciding which ones deserve to stay. Just because you've always done something doesn't mean you always have to. Growth sometimes looks less like adding something new and more like setting something heavy down.

Think about cleaning out your closet. Every now and then you pull out clothes that no longer fit, styles that don't feel like you anymore, or pieces you only kept because someone else once told you they looked good. Letting them go creates space for the clothes you actually love wearing. Our beliefs work the same way. Some ideas have served us well, while others have quietly limited us for years. The only way to know the difference is to hold each one up and ask, "Does this still belong in my life?"

One of the biggest "shoulds" I hear from women is, "I should put everyone else first." It sounds noble, and for many years it may have been necessary. But if you're constantly running on empty, taking care of everyone else eventually becomes harder too. Choosing yourself once in a while doesn't mean you're choosing against the people you love. It simply means you're recognizing that your needs matter as well.

Another common one is, "I should have this figured out by now." I wish we would retire that phrase altogether. Life isn't something we solve once and then coast through. Every season asks something different of us. Becoming an empty nester, grieving someone you love, changing careers, retiring, dating again, or rediscovering yourself after years of caregiving all require new versions of us. There isn't a deadline for becoming who you're meant to be.

This week, I invite you to become aware of every time you say the word "should." Don't rush to change it. Don't criticize yourself for thinking it. Simply notice it. Then pause and ask one question: Says who? Sometimes the answer will be obvious. Sometimes it won't. Either way, you've interrupted a pattern that may have been running your life for decades.

Journal Reflection

Take a blank sheet of paper and finish the sentence "I should..." as many times as you can. Keep writing until you run out of answers.

When you're finished, read through your list. Put a star next to the expectations that truly reflect your own values. Cross out the ones that belong to someone else's voice. Then choose just one crossed-out "should" that you're ready to release this week.

Small changes rarely feel dramatic in the moment. But every time you let go of an expectation that was never yours to carry, you make room for a life that feels more like your own. That's where freedom begins.